Riverdale Sucks and Jughead’s Typewriter is Stupid

SPOILERS

When I first saw Riverdale advertised on Netflix I thought: “Oh wow! I love Archie! What’s this going to be like?” Well it’s terrible. I have groaned aloud  while watching this show. I have covered my face with a blanket when Archie (K.J Apa) feels feelings.

Gross.

Riverdale begins in the aftermath of the disappearance of Jason Blossom (Trevor Stines). Where did he go? Why did he go there? The puzzle pieces are swirling around my head!

Except I don’t care.

Every ‘twist’ and ‘turn’ can be seen from about 5 billion miles away. Oh my God. Betty’s (Lili Reinhart) mysteriously incarcerated sister Polly (Tiera Skovbye) is a missing piece in Jason’s disappearance?? Shocker. She’s been mysterious since episode one.

. In episode 6 , when Betty visits Polly in that crazy convent/asylum/home for unwed mothers, I asked my partner: “What the hell kind of place is that?”. He suggested that Riverdale takes place in a “twilight” universe. Okay, sure. Apparently this “twilight” universe has been twisted into supporting some of the most revolting hipster hype I’ve ever seen. WHY does Jughead have some old typewriter next to his mac book? The only thing next to my mac is an ashtray for the stress smokes I’m having from thinking about this show.

There is a screencap from Riverdale next to “cringe-worthy” on dictionary.com. Every character is so embroiled in their darkness and disturbed-ness but they sure do find time to talk out their emotional issues. Anytime a character feels feelings they seek out friends to chat about it almost immediately. How am I supposed to know how the characters actually feel when they are always telling me?

Riverdale sucks. It’s yet another entry into the catalogue of “post 2010 TV shows that take hopeful 20^th century narratives and suck the life out of them.”

Way to take something awesome and turn it into junk, Netflix.

#jugheadsstupidtypewriter